Dear Single Lady – “Do You Agree?”

“But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles’ feet. Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband.” Acts 5:1,2,9,10

While reading the above verses last week, a thought stood out to me. If Sapphira had not agreed with her husband to lie to God, her life would have been spared. Why did she agree to this wickedness? Perhaps her heart was just as wicked as his. Perhaps it was HER idea, to begin with. Or, perhaps her relationship with her husband was more important to her than her relationship with God. Perhaps she was not strong enough to resist the pressure she was receiving from her spouse to join him in his deceitfulness.

If the latter two suppositions were indeed the case, let’s be careful that we not be too hasty with our criticism of Sapphira. The truth is, we don’t know what we would do in that situation. We don’t know whether or not we would be strong enough to stand alone. Remember, Adam did not stand against his wife, Eve, but rather gave in to her temptation to eat of the forbidden fruit. And then there is Solomon, the wisest man on earth, who allowed strange women to turn his heart from the Lord to false gods.

The above thoughts as well as conversations with ladies – both single and married – have been instrumental in my decision to write this post. I do pray it will be an encouragement or possibly a warning to unmarried ladies to handle this topic of marriage with carefulness and prayerfulness.

Dear single lady, KNOW the man who is showing an interest in you.

Before you even consider entering a relationship with a guy, make sure YOU are in close fellowship with the Lord. Now more than ever you need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s still, small voice. If you truly desire to know God’s will and not your own, He will not lead you astray. And then, when you become aware of the possible interest of a man, guard your heart against getting emotionally involved and observe…observe…OBSERVE! Does he have a crystal-clear, BIBLICAL testimony of salvation? Does his life back it up? Does he have a personal walk with the Lord? Was he living for God BEFORE you met him? What kind of testimony does he have among older, seasoned Christians? What does he get excited talking about? What flows freely out of his mouth?

If you do indeed begin a relationship, continue to guard your heart while you talk…talk…TALK! I make the following statement with love and concern…

If you are not mature enough to talk about serious things, you are not mature enough for marriage.

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” I Corinthians 13:11

Amos 3:3 reminds us:

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

Sweet lady, do you truly have a heart for the Lord? Do you truly desire to live for Him? Do you desire to walk in fellowship with the Lord alongside your future husband? If so…

you must KNOW what you agree on!

Talk about important things! Be 100% honest and upfront. Don’t be guilty of pretending to be who you are not. Remember, we reap what we sow. If you choose to pretend in order to impress, he may be deceiving you as well.

Here are some things to talk about:

God’s Word – Is God’s Word your final authority? Do you read, meditate on and strive to obey it daily? Do you have a personal walk with the Lord right now? Do you stick with one version of the Bible? Why or why not?

Prayer – Do you have a prayer life? Have you seen specific answers to prayer recently? Do you have a list of people and things for which you are praying regularly?

Godly mentors – Aside from God, who would you consider to have had the most spiritual influence in your life – from the lives or books of those who have gone on to Heaven as well as those still living?

Friendships – Who would you consider to be your close friends? Are you a stronger Christian because of your relationship with them? Are they a stronger Christian because of your influence in their lives? Do you sharpen each other, spiritually?

Spiritual growth – Would you say you have grown as a Christian over the last three years? Why or why not?

The future – IF God wills, where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years? Twenty years? What are you doing now to see those dreams fulfilled? Are you 100% surrendered to God’s will for your life – whatever that may be…wherever the Lord may lead…even if it means letting go of YOUR dreams?

Church attendance – Where do you go now? Do its teachings line up with the Bible? Are you attending and serving faithfully now? Why do you serve? Will you continue to attend and serve faithfully?

Music – What are your convictions concerning music? How important is music to you? What kind of music do you listen to? Is it Christ-honoring or flesh-appealing?

The home – Will CHRIST be the head of your home? If so, what will be done to make this happen? What are the roles of the husband and the wife in the home? Is he willing and ready to lead? Are you willing to follow him as he follows Christ? Do you respect him as a spiritual leader?

Children – What are your desires concerning a family? Do you want a large family, a small family, no children? Who is responsible for teaching, disciplining, and training the children? Will you strive to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? How? Will you entrust others to your children’s formal education or will you educate them at home? Will they have a Christian education?

Trials – When troubles come, where do you turn? How do you handle stressful situations?

Personal convictions – Do you have personal convictions concerning a Christian’s walk in this world? Are your convictions based on principles from God’s Word? What are they? Will you support and encourage each other or will you attempt to persuade your spouse to compromise?

Differences – What will you do when differences arise? Will you talk until things are resolved? Will you allow your spouse to talk to you about anything without fear of repercussions? Will God’s Word be your final authority?

Personal accountability – In this age of the internet and social media, do you realize the dangers and temptations? If you choose to be involved on the internet, will you agree to be accountable to each other with either joint accounts or accounts accessible to the spouse at any time?

Finances – What are your beliefs concerning tithing? What about debt? Are you in debt right now? Who will be in charge of the finances? Will you have a budget? If so, what will be included in the budget? Do you consider yourself a spender or a saver?

Extended family – Do you have a good relationship with your parents? If they are not saved or living according to God’s Word, do you still strive to honor them? Are you ready to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse? How will you spend your holidays, family gatherings, etc? Will you take turns if need be?  

There are many, many other topics that should be discussed – this is just a starting point! But, let me end with some questions for you, dear lady. If you are praying about a relationship with a young man, ask yourself – would you sharpen each other in your relationship with the Lord, or would your walk with God suffer? Sometimes, the answer is quite obvious. Other times, this question can’t be answered until we get to know a person better. Perhaps you are already talking to a young man – are you a stronger Christian because of your conversations with this guy? Or, is he jealous of the time you spend with God? Does he desire to be first in your life instead of encouraging you to keep Christ first?

Sadly, Ananias and Sapphira agreed together to do something that led to their physical death. How very tragic! Dear lady, marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Deciding to marry without talking about serious matters can lead to spiritual death or if put in a position of choosing God over sin, a life of loneliness. Before you even entertain thoughts of marriage to any man, KNOW what you agree on.

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” II Corinthians 6:14

There is no more lovely, friendly or charming relationship, communion or company, than a good marriage.

~ martin luther ~