Seeing My Father’s Face
(I have heard it said that a Christian should not “give glory to the devil” by talking of their sins of the past. I can understand the wisdom in not sharing some things…but, I also know that God’s Word is a very transparent Book that allows us to see into the lives – both the good and the bad – of biblical characters. Although it has been many years since what I am about to share took place, I have never felt that the Lord would have me tell my story until a few weeks ago. And so, my reason for sharing the following is to be obedient to Him.)
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“And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter…” Luke 22:61
The above portion of Scripture paints a very vivid picture in my mind. Perhaps it is because I can, in a sense, relate to how Peter must have felt that day. Allow me to share my story.
I was blessed to be raised in a godly home with God-fearing parents. At eight years of age, after being troubled for some time about my lost condition, I went to my mother and told her of my conviction. That evening, in our living room, Mom led me to the Lord. I do not remember the time. I do not remember the date. I do not even remember the words I said. BUT, I do remember the Holy Spirit’s conviction in my young heart and I do remember the place that I trusted in Christ alone to save me! Praise the Lord!
I heard a preacher talking recently about taking his young daughter back to the place where he got saved. As they went into the room of that apartment, this father had his little girl take a picture of him in the spot where he knelt and trusted Christ as Saviour. I smiled as I listened to this preacher tell the story of going back to the place of his conversion. I’m very thankful I have a place where I KNOW the Lord saved me – and I also have a picture of that place! Here is a recent picture of my mom and I sitting at just about the exact spot where she led me to the Lord:
(Before I go any further, may I ask – do you have a place? If possible, could you take someone back to the spot where you acknowledged you were a sinner and trusted in Christ alone to save you? If your answer is “No”, please don’t put off the most important decision you will ever make – your future hangs in the balance. Read how you can secure your eternal destiny here.)
After salvation, I have memories of taking my New Testament to our public school and trying to tell my friends about the Lord. I remember inviting friends to special services at our church. I remember being unashamed during an Art class assignment to draw a picture of the true meaning of Christmas while my peers were drawing pictures of Santa Claus and reindeer. I remember stealing a new eraser from a classmate’s desk – because others were doing it – and getting under extreme conviction that evening. I remember going to my mom in tears and confessing what I had done. I could go on and on but simply put – even though I was young when I asked the Lord to save me, I remember fruit in my life as a young believer. I remember letting my little light shine for Jesus!
Sadly, as I entered my teen years, my light began to grow dim. Even back then, peer pressure was very real and, as I made new friends, I fell into that trap of not wanting to be different from them. One area in which I really struggled was my clothing. Up until this point, I had worn dresses or skirts all of my life but as I entered the seventh grade at our public junior high school, I began to resent this rule laid down by my dad. And so, the slippery slide backward in my Christian life began.
My change was gradual…rather subtle, I guess you could say. Without going into boring details, I will just say this – I figured out how to stay on my parents’ “good side”…most of the time…while still fitting in when around my friends. However, the further I went down this path, the more confident in my rebellion I became. It wasn’t long until I was coming home from school and immediately changing into something “more comfortable” before leaving again to spend time with my friends.
You might be wondering at this point what my dad was doing during all of this. Honestly, I can’t remember having conversations about my clothing. That doesn’t mean we didn’t have them – there were plenty of heated discussions. I just can’t remember a particular conversation. I think it is because I was so rebellious by now (I was rebelling in other areas as well – my music, my friends, etc.) that anything Dad said was going in one ear and out the other. Even though I really can’t remember any specific argument topics between Dad and me, there is one incident that I still remember very clearly as if it had happened yesterday.
Weeks before the start of my senior year, I made a very determined decision. It was my last year of school and I was going to start it out “right”. On the morning of the first day of my senior year, I got up and got ready just like any school morning. The only difference was, that the outfit I chose to wear for the first day of my senior year was in direct defiance of my parents’ standards for our home. I knew that, but I was SO TIRED of being different. As I walked out of my bedroom and headed toward the living room door, I noticed Dad sitting at the kitchen table. As he watched me walk out the door that morning, he didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. That morning, God allowed me to see my daddy in a different light. That morning, I saw my tall, strong, manly daddy with a breaking heart – and I was responsible. That morning, I saw my daddy’s face.
The Scriptural account mentioned at the beginning of this post took place after Peter had denied His Saviour the third time.
“And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.” Luke 22:61
The next verse tells us Peter’s immediate response to seeing his Saviour’s face.
“And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.” Luke 22:62
I sure do wish that I could say my response was the same as Peter’s when I saw my daddy’s face that morning. I wish that I could say that my daddy’s look broke my rebellious heart. Sadly, it didn’t. But, as much as I tried to forget that look, I couldn’t.
The next few years of my life included high school graduation, marriage, and a new life in NC. Although I had moved two states away from my parents and all of the rules, the Lord knew exactly where I was.
At some point after marriage, the Lord began dealing with me about my rebellion toward my parents. Although I cannot remember an exact timeframe, I do remember sleepless nights of conviction followed by repentance to the Lord for my sin. Oh my, how very thankful I am for this verse:
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9
Praise the Lord, He is ALWAYS ready to forgive a repentant heart. After confessing to the Lord, He continued to deal with me about my need to make things right with my parents. One evening, I finally worked up the courage to pick up the phone and call my mom and apologize to her for all the grief I had caused. Oh, what sweet peace filled my heart as I hung up the phone that night! (It saddens my heart to say, however, that I do not remember talking to my dad that night so this phone call must have either taken place during his time of illness – he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just a few years after I was married – or after he had gone on to Heaven.)
Since that time years ago, I have had to revisit I John 1:9 quite often as the Lord continues to mold me and make me. How very thankful I am for 2nd and 3rd and 4th and 5th….etc. chances. How very thankful I am for the love, mercy, and longsuffering of my Heavenly Father!
I want to end this post with a word to parents of rebels. Galatians 6:7 says, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Without going into detail, I will just say that I can relate to both sides of the parent/rebel child relationship.
From a parent’s perspective, I know the heartache. I know the dark days. I know the sleepless nights. I know the tears. I know the inability to eat. I know the hopeless outlook. I know the guilty feelings. I know the difficulty to just function. I know the regret.
Although I know the pain is truly heart-wrenching, may I encourage you to give that rebellious son or daughter to the Lord…COMPLETELY. As a parent, I know you want your child to SEE the pain they are causing you. I truly understand that. But, if they only see YOUR face, they will most likely not experience permanent change. If they only see YOUR hurt, they may change their behavior when in your presence, while their heart remains unchanged. You see, although the Lord allowed me to see my father’s face that first morning of my senior year, it wasn’t until I saw my Heavenly Father’s face a few years later that my heart truly broke.
When you pray for your son or daughter, pray that they will see their sin against a holy God.
Pray that, if saved, they will see the reproach they are bringing to their Saviour’s name.
Pray that, if saved, they will see the stumbling block they are to others.
Pray that, if saved, they will see that they are not their own – they have been bought by Christ’s shed blood.
Pray that, as Peter, they will experience godly sorrow for their sin – only this will lead to true repentance.
When you pray for your child, pray that they will see their Heavenly Father’s face.
“The Lord followed up the cock’s warning voice with an admonitory look of sorrow, pity, and love. That glance was never out of Peter’s mind so long as he lived. It was far more effectual than ten thousand sermons would have been without the Spirit.” ~ C. H. Spurgeon