For Husbands & Wives – Thoughts From A Marriage Series

“The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Proverbs 27:7

Reading the above verse this morning reminded me of something our pastor said during a marriage series he preached in Spring, 2014. His statement went something like this – “If you place a steak in front of a well-fed dog, he will not pay it any attention. On the other hand, a starving dog can be found eating from the garbage can.” Our pastor made this statement in reference to a husband & wife relationship. When both are “well-fed” – when both husband and wife are having their needs met by their spouse – neither will feel the need to look elsewhere. The above verse says a full soul has no desire whatsoever for honey, but to a hungry soul, anything is sweet – even bitter-tasting things.

While looking through my notes from last year’s series, I came across other words of advice on this topic of marriage and, though they may seem scattered,  I thought I would share them below in hopes that they would be a help to someone. (As with any type of counsel, it is always best to read with ourselves in mind – not someone else. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23,24)

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Thoughts From Marriage Series, 2014 – Pastor Michael Poindexter

*There is no such thing as “falling out of love” – there is a wedge that comes between

*90% of problems come from wanting to be served but not wanting to serve

*Flirting with your spouse keeps the flame alive

*Your standard of beauty should be your mate

*A marriage should be both spouses carrying the load

*When one spouse pulls most of the load, resentment builds

*Do not put kids or career in between you and spouse

*Places that should be a little heaven on earth – Home & Church

*A home is not an “Engedi” (an oasis), unless it is that for both husband & wife

*Remember that our spouse is just a sinner saved by grace

*The longer married, the happier – less about ME and more about WE

*Learn to speak your spouse’s love language – men & women are different

*A neglected love language opens the door for someone else to speak that language

*Telling things to others about your spouse violates them – how are they supposed to feel at family gatherings?

*Are you a servant lover or a selfish lover?

*Selfish lover = pride; Servant lover = humility

*Put off preconceived ideas of marriage that are selfish and begin to serve

*2 selfish people = constant conflict

*1 selfish & 1 servant = abuse, domination

*2 servant lovers = unity, happiness, success, longevity

*Your home should not be a part of the pain of your life but a break from the pain

*There are few men that would begrudge an aggressive wife

*If the thermometer of our marriage was intimacy, what would it be?

*Our mate should know they are the only one

*There must be trust

*Our homes should be a place of rest, not war

*A rebellious, stubborn spirit is a reason one would not have an “Engedi” (oasis) relationship

*Wise is the spouse who learns to speak their mate’s love language

*A relationship is fragile

*In-laws could be a problem if a spouse doesn’t “leave and cleave”

*You should have a relationship with your spouse that you didn’t have with your parents

*God intended children to be a blessing, but not for life to evolve around them

*You may have to remind your friends that you are married

*You do not need an unspiritual friend that is married but still acting UNmarried

*You do not need a friend that is constantly telling you to bail out when there is a problem

*Establish rules with your spouse concerning the opposite gender

*Continually expecting will discourage your spouse

*Very thoroughly examine your own heart before finding fault in your mate

*Being insecure at times is human nature

*If there is any one that should be stable, it should be God’s people

*Financial insecurities can ruin a relationship

*Put God first – live within your means – be content – pull your weight

*Concerning speaking your mind – you don’t have to take back something that you didn’t say

*How you create strife or diffuse it will tell if you have a bad temper

*Our homes should not be emotional roller-coasters

*Aging is a fact of life

*Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain – if you are going to get praise, get it from fearing God

*Gray hair is a crown of glory

*If the greatest thing in my life is Jesus Christ, and I can’t share it with my mate, then there is a void

*Your mate should have full assurance of where you will be when you die

*On my deathbed, I want as few regrets as possible

*Once you find the “key” to a happy marriage, you need to continue doing it

*Marriage is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make

*The quality of your marriage will be predicated on what you put into it

*If we are going to “have” to be together, why not work together and be happy?

*The only reason you become a statistic is because you choose to be one

*Don’t let yourself go – enjoy life but don’t neglect health

*No safety & trust – no “honey” in the home

*Insecurity is an enemy in a home

*Marriage is a huge responsibility

*Always threatening to leave – no “honey” in the home

*Don’t talk mean to each other – ever

*Learn to talk sweetly and affectionately

*You can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar

*RESPECT

*Will the last day of our marriage be better than the first?

*Learn what works and hit the repeat button

*The Dynamic Due – Lovers & Friends

*A friend is someone that knows all about you and still loves you

*A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself

*We all married sinners with all their imperfections

*Friendships require effort

*Friendships must be protected

*Keep your personal business personal

*Misery loves company – those who don’t have a good marriage don’t want others to have one

*Friendships are formed on acts of kindness

*As much as I expect from my spouse, do I do that much in return?

*Friendships can be wronged and get past it

*You may get wronged, but you will also be guilty of wrongdoing

*Friendships should be refreshing

*It’s not just about whether you are fulfilled – is your mate fulfilled?

*Don’t get mad if your spouse has other friends if you won’t be their friend

*Avoid Criticism (attacking the person and not the problem)

*Avoid Contempt (being disgusted and not hiding it)

*Avoid Defensiveness

*Avoid Stonewalling (cold shoulder; silent treatment)

*How much stronger would marriages be if we would just talk?

*View intimacy as a gift – for pleasure; for children; for protection; for comfort; for oneness

*If you are really saved, you should enjoy serving

*Never let other people draw you into their problems

*Never let children sense one parent is stricter/softer

*When you are wrong – and you are, at times – own up to it

*Anyone who claims they are never wrong is claiming sinless perfection

*Strength = admitting you are wrong and changing

*Weakness = never admitting you are wrong

*Mistakes are always forgivable if you will “man up” and admit it

*Let sleeping dogs lie – bury the hatchet, handle and all

*Don’t play the role of adversary in your marriage by continually bringing up the past that has already been taken care of and forgiven

*God doesn’t require an “I’m sorry” more than one time for each offense; neither should we

*Words may be more powerful than any weapon – and you can’t take them back