{"id":2977,"date":"2015-06-27T14:18:03","date_gmt":"2015-06-27T18:18:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/?p=2977"},"modified":"2015-06-27T15:08:26","modified_gmt":"2015-06-27T19:08:26","slug":"for-husbands-wives-thoughts-from-a-marriage-series","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/2015\/06\/27\/for-husbands-wives-thoughts-from-a-marriage-series\/","title":{"rendered":"For Husbands & Wives – Thoughts From A Marriage Series"},"content":{"rendered":"

“The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Proverbs 27:7<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Reading the above verse this morning reminded me of something our pastor said during a marriage series he preached in Spring, 2014 (If you would like to receive the entire series, contact lbcseagrove.com). His statement went something like this – “If you place a steak in front of a well-fed dog, he will not pay it any attention. On the other hand, a starving dog can be found eating from the garbage can.”\u00a0Our pastor made this statement in reference to a husband & wife relationship. When both are “well-fed” – when both husband and wife are having their needs met by their spouse –\u00a0neither will feel the need to look elsewhere. The above verse says a full soul has no desire whatsoever for honey, but to a hungry soul, anything is sweet – even bitter-tasting things.<\/p>\n

While looking through my notes from last year’s series, I came across\u00a0other\u00a0words of advice\u00a0on this topic of marriage and, though\u00a0they may seem\u00a0scattered,\u00a0 I thought I would share them below in hopes that they would be a help to someone. (As with any type of counsel, it is always best to read with ourselves in mind – not someone else. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23,24<\/em><\/strong>)<\/p>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/p>\n

Thoughts From Marriage Series, 2014 – Pastor Michael Poindexter<\/strong><\/p>\n

*There is no such thing as “falling out of love” – there is a wedge that comes between<\/p>\n

*90% of problems come from wanting to be served but not wanting to serve<\/p>\n

*Flirting with your spouse keeps the flame alive<\/p>\n

*Your standard of beauty should be your mate<\/p>\n

*A marriage should be both spouses carrying the load<\/p>\n

*When one spouse pulls most of the load, resentment builds<\/p>\n

*Do not put kids or career in between you and spouse<\/p>\n

*Places that should be a little heaven on earth – Home & Church<\/p>\n

*A home is not an “Engedi” (an oasis), unless it is that for both<\/span> husband & wife<\/p>\n

*Remember that our spouse is just a sinner saved by grace<\/p>\n

*The longer married, the happier – less about ME and more about WE<\/p>\n

*Learn to speak your spouse’s love language – men & women are different<\/p>\n

*A neglected love language opens the door for someone else to speak that language<\/p>\n

*Telling things to others about your spouse violates them – how are they supposed to feel at family gatherings?<\/p>\n

*Are you a servant lover or a selfish lover?<\/p>\n

*Selfish lover = pride; Servant lover = humility<\/p>\n

*Put off preconceived ideas of marriage that are selfish and begin to serve<\/p>\n

*2 selfish people = constant conflict<\/p>\n

*1 selfish & 1 servant = abuse, domination<\/p>\n

*2 servant lovers = unity, happiness, success, longevity<\/p>\n

*Your home should not be a part of the pain of your life but a break from the pain<\/p>\n

*There are few men that would begrudge an aggressive wife<\/p>\n

*If the thermometer of our marriage was intimacy, what would it be?<\/p>\n

*Our mate should know they are the only one<\/p>\n

*There must be trust<\/p>\n

*Our homes should be a place of rest, not war<\/p>\n

*A rebellious, stubborn spirit is a\u00a0reason one would not have an “Engedi” (oasis) relationship<\/p>\n

*Wise is the spouse who learns to speak their mate’s love language<\/p>\n

*A relationship is fragile<\/p>\n

*In-laws could be a problem if a spouse doesn’t “leave and cleave”<\/p>\n

*You should have a relationship with your spouse that you didn’t have with your parents<\/p>\n

*God intended children to be a blessing, but not for life to evolve around them<\/p>\n

*You may have to remind your friends that you are married<\/p>\n

*You do\u00a0not need an unspiritual friend that is married but still acting UNmarried<\/p>\n

*You do not need a friend that is constantly telling you to bail out when there is a problem<\/p>\n

*Establish rules with your spouse concerning the opposite gender<\/p>\n

*Continually expecting will discourage your spouse<\/p>\n

*Very thoroughly examine your own heart before finding fault in your mate<\/p>\n

*Being insecure at times is human nature<\/p>\n

*If there is any one that should be stable, it should be God’s people<\/p>\n

*Financial insecurities can ruin a relationship<\/p>\n

*Put God first – live within your means – be content – pull your weight<\/p>\n

*Concerning speaking your mind – you don’t have to take back something that you didn’t say<\/p>\n

*How you create strife or diffuse it will tell if you have a bad temper<\/p>\n

*Our homes should not be emotional roller-coasters<\/p>\n

*Aging is a fact of life<\/p>\n

*Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain – if you are going to get praise, get it from fearing God<\/p>\n

*Gray hair is a crown of glory<\/p>\n

*If the greatest thing in my life is Jesus Christ, and I can’t share it with my mate, then there is a void<\/p>\n

*Your mate should have full assurance of where you will be when you die<\/p>\n

*On my deathbed, I want as few regrets as possible<\/p>\n

*Once you find the “key” to a happy marriage, you need to continue doing it<\/p>\n

*Marriage is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make<\/p>\n

*The quality of your marriage will be predicated on what you put into it<\/p>\n

*If we are going to “have” to be together, why not work together and be happy?<\/p>\n

*The only reason you become a statistic is because you choose to be one<\/p>\n

*Don’t let yourself go – enjoy life but don’t neglect health<\/p>\n

*No safety & trust – no “honey” in the home<\/p>\n

*Insecurity is an enemy in a home<\/p>\n

*Marriage is a huge responsibility<\/p>\n

*Always threatening to leave – no “honey” in the home<\/p>\n

*Don’t talk mean to each other – ever<\/p>\n

*Learn to talk sweetly and affectionately<\/p>\n

*You can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar<\/p>\n

*RESPECT<\/p>\n

*Will the last day of our marriage be better than the first?<\/p>\n

*Learn what works and hit the repeat button<\/p>\n

*The Dynamic Due – Lovers & Friends<\/p>\n

*A friend is someone that knows all about you and still loves you<\/p>\n

*A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself<\/p>\n

*We all married sinners with all their imperfections<\/p>\n

*Friendships require effort<\/p>\n

*Friendships must be protected<\/p>\n

*Keep your personal business personal<\/p>\n

*Misery loves company – those who don’t have a good marriage don’t want others to have one<\/p>\n

*Friendships are formed on acts of kindness<\/p>\n

*As much as I expect from my spouse, do I\u00a0do that much in return?<\/p>\n

*Friendships can be wronged and get past it<\/p>\n

*You may get wronged, but you will also be guilty of wrongdoing<\/p>\n

*Friendships should be refreshing<\/p>\n

*It’s not just about whether\u00a0you are fulfilled – is your mate fulfilled?<\/p>\n

*Don’t get mad if your spouse has other friends if\u00a0you won’t be their friend<\/p>\n

*Avoid Criticism (attacking the person and not the problem)<\/p>\n

*Avoid Contempt (being disgusted and not hiding it)<\/p>\n

*Avoid Defensiveness<\/p>\n

*Avoid Stonewalling (cold shoulder; silent treatment)<\/p>\n

*How much stronger would marriages be if we would just talk?<\/p>\n

*View intimacy as a gift – for pleasure; for children; for protection; for comfort; for oneness<\/p>\n

*If you are really saved, you should enjoy serving<\/p>\n

*Never let other people draw you into their problems<\/p>\n

*Never let children sense one parent is stricter\/softer<\/p>\n

*When you are wrong – and you are, at times – own up to it<\/p>\n

*Anyone who claims they are never wrong is claiming sinless perfection<\/p>\n

*Strength = admitting you are wrong and changing<\/p>\n

*Weakness = never admitting you are wrong<\/p>\n

*Mistakes are always forgivable if you will “man up” and admit it<\/p>\n

*Let sleeping dogs lie – bury the hatchet, handle and all<\/p>\n

*Don’t play the role of adversary in your marriage by continually bringing up the past that has already been taken care of and forgiven<\/p>\n

*God doesn’t require an “I’m sorry” more than one time for each offense; neither should we<\/p>\n

*Words may be more powerful than any weapon – and you can’t take them back<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.” Proverbs 27:7 Reading the above verse this morning reminded me of something our pastor said during a marriage series he preached in Spring, 2014 (If you would like to receive the entire series, contact lbcseagrove.com). His statement went something like this – “If you place a steak in front of a well-fed dog, he will not pay it any attention. On the other hand, a starving dog can be found eating from the garbage can.”\u00a0Our pastor made this statement in reference to a husband & wife relationship. When both are “well-fed” – when both husband and wife are having their needs met by their spouse –\u00a0neither will feel the need to look elsewhere. The above verse says a full soul has no desire whatsoever for honey, but to a hungry soul, anything is sweet – even bitter-tasting things. While looking through my notes from last year’s series, I came across\u00a0other\u00a0words of advice\u00a0on this topic of marriage and, though\u00a0they may seem\u00a0scattered,\u00a0 I thought I would share them below in hopes that they would be a help to someone. (As with any type of counsel, it is always best to read with ourselves in mind – not someone else. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23,24) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thoughts From Marriage Series, 2014 – Pastor Michael Poindexter *There is no such thing as “falling out of love” – there is a wedge that comes between *90% of problems come from wanting to be served but not wanting to serve *Flirting with your spouse keeps the flame alive *Your standard of beauty should be your mate *A marriage should be both spouses carrying the load *When one spouse pulls most of the load, resentment builds *Do not put kids or career in between you and spouse *Places that should be a little heaven on earth – Home & Church *A home is not an “Engedi” (an oasis), unless it is that for both husband & wife *Remember that our spouse is just a sinner saved by grace *The longer married, the happier – less about ME and more about WE *Learn to speak your spouse’s love language – men & women are different *A neglected love language opens the door for someone else to speak that language *Telling things to others about your spouse violates them – how are they supposed to feel at family gatherings? *Are you a servant lover or a selfish lover? *Selfish lover = pride; Servant lover = humility *Put off preconceived ideas of marriage that are selfish and begin to serve *2 selfish people = constant conflict *1 selfish & 1 servant = abuse, domination *2 servant lovers = unity, happiness, success, longevity *Your home should not be a part of the pain of your life but a break from the pain *There are few men that would begrudge an aggressive wife *If the thermometer of our marriage was intimacy, what would it be? *Our mate should know they are the only one *There must be trust *Our homes should be a place of rest, not war *A rebellious, stubborn spirit is a\u00a0reason one would not have an “Engedi” (oasis) relationship *Wise is the spouse who learns to speak their mate’s love language *A relationship is fragile *In-laws could be a problem if a spouse doesn’t “leave and cleave” *You should have a relationship with your spouse that you didn’t have with your parents *God intended children to be a blessing, but not for life to evolve around them *You may have to remind your friends that you are married *You do\u00a0not need an unspiritual friend that is married but still acting UNmarried *You do not need a friend that is constantly telling you to bail out when there is a problem *Establish rules with your spouse concerning the opposite gender *Continually expecting will discourage your spouse *Very thoroughly examine your own heart before finding fault in your mate *Being insecure at times is human nature *If there is any one that should be stable, it should be God’s people *Financial insecurities can ruin a relationship *Put God first – live within your means – be content – pull your weight *Concerning speaking your mind – you don’t have to take back something that you didn’t say *How you create strife or diffuse it will tell if you have a bad temper *Our homes should not be emotional roller-coasters *Aging is a fact of life *Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain – if you are going to get praise, get it from fearing God *Gray hair is a crown of glory *If the greatest thing in my life is Jesus Christ, and I can’t share it with my mate, then there is a void *Your mate should have full assurance of where you will be when you die *On my deathbed, I want as few regrets as possible *Once you find the “key” to a happy marriage, you need to continue doing it *Marriage is the 2nd most important decision you’ll ever make *The quality of your marriage will be predicated on what you put into it *If we are going to “have” to be together, why not work together and be happy? *The only reason you become a statistic is because you choose to be one *Don’t let yourself go – enjoy life but don’t neglect health *No safety & trust – no “honey” in the home *Insecurity is an enemy in a home *Marriage is a huge responsibility *Always threatening to leave – no “honey” in the home *Don’t talk mean to each other – ever *Learn to talk sweetly and affectionately *You can catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar *RESPECT *Will the last day of our marriage be better than the first? *Learn what works and hit the repeat button *The Dynamic Due – Lovers & Friends *A friend is someone that knows all about you and still loves you *A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself *We all married sinners with all their imperfections *Friendships require effort *Friendships must be protected *Keep your personal business personal *Misery loves company – those who don’t have a good marriage don’t want others to have one *Friendships are formed on acts of kindness *As much as I expect from my spouse, do I\u00a0do that much in return? *Friendships can be wronged and get past it *You may get wronged, but you will also be guilty of wrongdoing *Friendships should be refreshing *It’s not just about whether\u00a0you are fulfilled – is your mate fulfilled? *Don’t get mad if your spouse has other friends if\u00a0you won’t be their friend *Avoid Criticism (attacking the person and not the problem) *Avoid Contempt (being disgusted and not hiding it) *Avoid Defensiveness *Avoid Stonewalling (cold shoulder; silent treatment) *How much stronger would marriages be if we would just talk? *View intimacy as a gift – for pleasure; for children; for protection; for comfort; for oneness *If you are really saved, you should enjoy serving *Never let other people draw you into their problems *Never let children sense one parent is stricter\/softer *When you are wrong – and you are, at times – own up to it *Anyone who claims they are never wrong is claiming sinless perfection *Strength = admitting you are wrong and changing *Weakness = never admitting you are wrong *Mistakes are always forgivable if you will “man up” and admit it *Let sleeping dogs lie – bury the hatchet, handle and all *Don’t play the role of adversary in your marriage by continually bringing up the past that has already been taken care of and forgiven *God doesn’t require an “I’m sorry” more than one time for each offense; neither should we *Words may be more powerful than any weapon – and you can’t take them back<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[18,65],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-courtshipmarriage","category-relationships"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4o6C2-M1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2977"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2980,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977\/revisions\/2980"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.inthineheart.com\/staging\/8143\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}